Man, oh, man, am I glad to see the end of April. It’s my least favorite month on the island, but this time around the fourth month really kicked me hard in my spirit. What a challenge.
It was rainy and cold and just plain dreary. It seems we never had more than two sunny days in a row and even those were interrupted by clouds. I found little to distract me from the range of anger and despair I felt over things like the current administration’s de-friending of Canada, taking people and deporting them without due process, and the unnecessary day-to-day bullying.
The way things are going it’s hard not to fear big financial losses accompanied by higher costs everywhere.
I’m so lucky to live in a place where the potential for awe is always there and the ocean is a buffer from the outside world.
The lobster season is off to a slow start with the price to fishermen dropping by more than $5 in the last three weeks of April. Bruce and I are in our 70s and it’s not comfortable to watch our retirement money lose value in the stock market or to fear cuts in our Social Security. We are not alone in our anxiety. Who knows how this will all play out a year from now. I could go on with more fears but it doesn’t help anything. Self-pity has never been part of a solution.
What does help is four words I’ve heard to fit the acronym FEAR: “Forgetting Everything is All Right.”
It doesn’t mean I’m suddenly fine with the government abandoning science or finding even more ways to give billionaires and corporations additional tax breaks, or their cozying up to Putin. It means I can make the effort to shrink my focus down to whatever is in front of me and stay in the moment. I can look for the good, the positive things that are still there year after year, no matter what is going on in the outside world.
Little Cranberry Island is a pretty swell place for doing just that. As the island comes back to life after winter there are things all around me to distract me in a positive way.
Birds play a big part in restoring my spirit in the spring. A cluster of song sparrows hangs out around our woodpile every year, eating breakfast from our feeders and singing away, rain or shine. It’s so good to hear them again. The cardinal in the woods whistles like he’s calling a dog. When he comes to the feeder he hops over to the female to give her a seed. During the endless parade of gray days, the white stripes and bibs on the white-throated sparrows were pearlescent against their damp brown feathers. Their song always sounds like summer to me.
The bright-again goldfinches catch my eye on even the rainiest days. This year I put suet out for the first time in April. Three magnolia warblers stopped by often for a snack. They were new “feeder birds” for me and a sure sign that more warblers would be on their way.
As more of the fishermen are out hauling traps there are more stories of birds at sea. My niece Emma said they had four birds on the boat in one day, including a tiny ruby crowned kinglet. Whenever Bruce gets in from fishing, one of the first things I ask him is, “Were there any good birds today?” One time he saw 12 great blue herons flying in a row toward the marsh. Anytime I see a GBH is special for me, but 12! I would love to have seen that.
Gratitude, humor, and optimism are my tools for fighting off the doom and gloom that comes from lousy weather and listening to too much news. I can keep in touch with my Congressional representatives to speak out about what I think is going so wrong, but after that, I need to look around for what is all right in my life, at any moment, and make sure I take the time to soak it in.
I’m so lucky to live in a place where the potential for awe is always there and the ocean is a buffer from the outside world.
Am I still worried about the future? You bet I am. But I’m also so grateful to be right where I want to be if it really hits the fan. When grocery prices get too high, we’ll be out here on the island eating lobsters to save money.
Barbara Fernald lives on (Islesford) Little Cranberry Island. She may be contacted at Fernald244@gmail.com.
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